A few notes to my teen self...

I've been reading lots of really good YA books right now. And I have a teen beta who you all will be meeting on Friday, July 29th in my new blog feature "Christa Talks to the Teen" (I know, very original). I thought it might be helpful for YA writers to ask questions to a teen reader so I asked Aliya to help and she's all in. (Side note: she writes great reviews for teen books so if you're interested, you should follow her).

In the meantime, I've been thinking about some things I would say to my teen self if I came across her today and I thought it would be fun to share:

1. "Hey Christa, that guy you're with. Not the right guy. The nice guy who actually likes you is much better."

I believe we've all had that conversation with our teen selves. Mine is particularly painful because I've sadly had to interact with the "wrong choice" ex-boyfriend in the kids' school car pool line 17 years after we broke up. And yes, before you ask, I was holding my carpool #69 up at the time. So humiliating. He's still not the right guy. Trust me.

2. "Hey Christa, you'll regret wearing those shoes to prom one day."

It did seem like a good idea at the time.

3. "Hey Christa, stop taking yourself so seriously. Laugh more and eat more."

I think these words of wisdom still hold today. I was a dark and broody teen (I know, you're shocked). It would have been nice to have spent more time outside than in my room reading The Bell Jar. Really, I don't think anyone needs to read that book more than twice although I still love the poetry of Sylvia Plath.

4. "Hey Christa, you talk too much when you drink. And it always ends badly."

Um, I might need to be reminded of this on a weekly basis. Just saying.  

And finally, because I am watching my daughter on the cusp of tweendom, I offer advice to my tween self....

5. "Hey Tween Christa, it may seem like a demotion to be made the Bulldog mascot after that one disastrous pom pom routine where you knocked the entire squad over like a row of dominos, but really, mascots have more fun."

I'd love to hear what you all would say to your teen or tween selves. 

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words...

Heather Howland is having a contest over on her blog wherein we need to create a scene in 1,000 words or less for this picture:

As promised, my entry below is not "dark" YA. It's no opus (I didn't have time to revise 127 times), but I hope it makes you laugh a little. 

The Photo Shoot

“Are you frickin’ kidding me?” I yelled as the photographer messed around with the lights for the four hundredth time in the past hour. “Do you even have the first clue how uncomfortable this position is? Not to mention the dried grass that has made its way up my dress and into my butt crack.”

What was with this shot anyway? Seriously. The watch? The boob-enhancing dress? The vacant gaze toward absolutely nothing?

Bogdon, the photographer, had said he was going for contemporary Salvador Dali. Really? Snort.

“Sorry, Katrina,” Bogdon answered in his thick accent. “Just one more minute. Okay, I think I got it.” He stepped back and the entire light fell sideways.

Obviously, my mom had employed a total idiot. I should have known no good would come from finding a photographer in a mall. But she assured me his portfolio was stellar and truthfully, with a budget of $250, beggars can’t really be choosers.

The modeling had been my idea. After Dad bailed on us, leaving a closet full of shirts and a mountain of debt from some dubious investments he’d made, my mom had been forced to ransack my college fund to pay for the house.  Yes, we could have sold it and found a cheap apartment to rent, but honestly, the whole Dad thing was traumatic enough in the first place. Neither mom nor I were super psyched about losing the house we’d lived in for sixteen years.

People have always told me I could be a model. I have a decent body and pretty clear skin. Before we lost our money, I didn’t really consider it because it seemed pretty shallow and lame. But I’m not a good enough student to get any sort of academic scholarship and sadly, I’m not so awesome in soccer that a college is going to throw money at me to play for them, which left modeling. I’d read an article in a fashion magazine about this girl who paid for college just by doing a bunch of catalogue work. I figured: how hard could it be?

Except no one told me you have to have a portfolio of modeling shots before they’ll consider you at any sort of reputable agency. What the hell? Isn’t that what a modeling agency is for? To take pictures of you? Evidently not. So after three embarrassing interviews at agencies, I told my mom we were going to have to make a small investment in building a portfolio.

Enter Bogdon, the mall photographer.

While Bogdon readjusted the light, his assistant Jake walked over and offered me something to drink. He had on jeans with paint specks on them and a black shirt that said “I See Dumb People” across the front. Funny. His dark hair was too long and I’ve never been into guys with goatees, but still he was good-looking. And sort of sweet to offer me a bevie.

“Thanks, but I’m not supposed to move.”

He walked over to the small cooler and table Bogdon had set up. He returned holding a cup of water with a straw sticking out of it and positioned it in front of my mouth. Bliss.

“So how long have you worked for Bogdon?” I asked.

“About three months. I go to the U and he asked my Photography prof if any of his students were interested in assisting so…”

I liked the way his voice sounded, strong and sure of himself.  I grinned at him. Maybe…wait, what the heck was wrong with me? I was flirting with Bogdon’s assistant? Clearly the lights and the dried grass were getting to me. I took a sip of water and waited for him to walk away. He didn’t. Huh.

“So does he do a lot of modeling photo shoots?” I asked, looking toward Bogdon kicking the light stand.

“As far as I know, this is his first. He mostly does weddings. He has a portrait studio in the mall, but that’s for families and little kids.”

I closed my eyes. Worse than I thought. Bogdon was like one of the Sears Family Portrait Studio photographers. I started to hyperventilate.

“He’s pretty creative, though,” Jake added, sensing my impending breakdown.

I took another sip of water.

“So you’re trying to be a model, huh? That’s cool.”

Okay, now he was sucking up.

“No, it’s really not. Listen, you don’t have to be nice to me because you feel bad about Bogdon. It was me and my broke mom who hired him.”

My mom had walked over to Bogdon and held the front of the light while he tightened something on the back. She whispered to him, but I could tell from her hissing she was questioning her “great photographer find” as well.

“I’m not being nice to you because of that. I was making small talk,” Jake said and squatted in the fake grass next to me. He smelled lemon-y. Yum.

I shifted my position and Bogdon looked up and gave me the don’t move a muscleglare. My arm had officially fallen asleep. I couldn’t even feel the watch anymore.

“Small talk, huh?” I said and slid my legs an inch to the right. Bogdon’s head snapped up. Geez, superhero hearing. “So do you live on campus?”

“No, I live in Richfield with my parents. It’s cheaper.”

I’d have to go that route too, especially since I obviously wasn’t going to be getting a modeling contract any time soon.

“And what do you do for fun when you’re not in class?” I was not hitting on him. Well, maybe just a little.

He smiled and my breath caught. Holy crap. Dimples. Game changer.   

“Well, I converse with wannabe models and try to talk them into giving me their phone numbers.”

I looked over at a now cursing Bogdon and stifled a laugh. What a train wreck. My gaze shifted back to Jake’s dimples. Maybe the day wouldn’t be a total bust after all.

“Do you have a pen?”

Inside The Author's Studio with Lisa and Laura Roecker

Today, I'm interviewing the Awesome Lisa and Laura Roecker whose book THE LIAR SOCIETY came out in March of 2011. Their follow-up novel THE LIES THAT BIND will be available Spring 2012. So without further ado, here is my version of the Proust Questionnaire and their answers.




What is your favorite word?


Laura: Enigmatic. Although Lisa would NEVER let me get away with using it in one of our books.

Lisa: I can almost guarantee you that “enigmatic” will NEVER turn up in one of our books. Unless Laura sneaks in and adds it after I've done my final edits. Which would be kind of bad ass, but would probably result in some kind of sister writer fisticuffs. In completely related news, one of my favorite (semi)words is fisticuffs. I like words that sound like what they mean.  

     

      What is your least favorite word?

Laura: Thimble. Perma-lisp word.

Lisa: Ooh, thimble is good. I also hate "fuddy duddy." Anyone that uses the term fuddy duddy most certainly IS a fuddy duddy. Gotta love the irony.

What turns your current MC on?

Laura: Liam Gilmore and getting involved with stuff. She can’t help herself.

Lisa: I can actually kind of relate to Kate. I always manage to get myself involved in stuff that's really none of my damn business. 

What turns your current MC off?

Both: Seth constantly eating in her ear. Ew.

What sound do you love?

Laura: A solid laugh from my daughter. The real, real kind.

Lisa: Ooh, another good answer! My favorite laugh du jour comes from my 9-month-old son. It's also pretty satisfying when the older two laugh at one of my jokes. They don't really think I'm that funny. I also love the dull popping noise that my phone makes when I have a new email. It's the sound of possibilities! 

What sound do you hate?

Laura: Any variety of whining.

Lisa: I hate the sound of screaming/fighting which is unfortunately the soundtrack of my life right now. Good times.

What is your favorite YA quirk? 

Laura: Reading ARE YOU GOING TO KISS ME KNOW, which is freaking hilarious. MC texts her best friend constantly and her texts are laugh out loud funny. That’s my current fave.

Lisa: Hmmm...I loved all the OCD quirks in Adele Griffin's THE JULIAN GAME. All that counting and the rituals. Fascinating stuff.

What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?

Laura: I’d love to try being a librarian.

Lisa: I'd want to be a publicist for a publishing house. I can't imagine anything more fun and exciting than promoting books that I love. (Christa's side note: Hey, I do that job!)

What profession would you rather bathe in a vat of urine than attempting?

Laura: A salesperson. I am the WORST salesperson on the face of the planet.

Lisa: Waitress. I actually waitressed at The Ground Round one summer in college and I ended up crying EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT. And Laura was the hostess and she kept seating tables in my section without telling me, so they'd get really mad and hungry and they'd yell. And I'd cry. Because I'm a people pleaser and I hate it when people are mad at me. It was a complete shit show.

Laura: Um…for the record, the hostess is not responsible for “telling” the waitress she has a new table. The waitress is supposed to know that said table IS IN HER SECTION.

If John Green sits at your table at a SCBWI conference, what would you like him to say to you?

Laura: “Your book is the most influential YA book I’ve read in a long time.” HA (preferably he would leave out the “HA”).

Lisa: "Wait, Lisa is the older sister? Whoa. I totally thought Laura was the older one. You don't look a day over 18, Lisa."

These girls are made of AWESOME. I'm so happy they were willing to be my first interviewees. And I will randomly choose one of the lucky people that comment on this post (before midnight tomorrow night) to receive your very own copy of THE LIAR SOCIETY (see side bar for details) or if you already have it, let me know and I will send you a $20 gift card to Amazon to purchase THE LIES THAT BIND when it comes out.