Is the R-word the worst swear word???

BACKGROUND INFO: For those who don't know, 6-9yo's are obsessed with swear words. The knowledge of such is the topic of much recess conversation. My kids talk about the F-word, the A-word and the S-word frequently (but hilariously, they don't actually know what the words are, just the first letters).

So this is the dinner conversation with my 9yo two nights ago:

9yo: One of the boys found a swear word in the Spanish word search.
Me: Yeah? Seems kind of weird for a word search.
9yo: Yeah, he said it was the worst one EVER but I don't know if it's a swear word.
Me: Huh.
9yo: It was the R-word.
Me: Hmm...I don't know any R swear words. Not even in Spanish. I think he was making it up.
(30 minutes later)
9yo: I keep thinking about that word. Can I write it down and you tell me if it's a swear word?
Me: Okay.

And then she hands me a slip of paper and the air whooshes out of my lungs.

RAPE

I was speechless. I didn't know what to say. My daughter doesn't even know where babies come from (I'm a feminist, I am ready and willing to have that conversation with her, but she has ZERO interest so I don't push it). How the heck was I supposed to respond to this piece of paper?

This is what I said: Jojo, this is a terrible word for many reasons. But it's not a swear word. It's a grown up word that I don't think you're ready for yet. But when you're ready, I'll tell you. I don't want you asking other kids what this means. This is a conversation for you and me to have when you're older.

I have no idea if this was a good response. I've been stewing about it ever since. Part of me is glad that this boy thinks the R-word is the worst swear word. Part of me wonders how he heard it in the first place (although honestly, it could have been anywhere). Part of me wants to pull my daughter out of school and protect her from all this. She's 9 years old. I don't want her introduction to sex to be wrapped into violence.

But the truth is, mine was. And I have worked for many years with an organization (The Voices and Faces Project) whose mission is to not brush the issue of rape under the rug. Whose mission is to deconstruct the rape culture we live in so that good dialogue can happen around this issue and change can be affected.

I worry that by not explaining this word to my daughter, I am (possibly) allowing someone else to create the lens for her. But still, I'm not ready to tell her yet. At the SCBWI LA conference, Donna Jo Napoli said we must write about horrible things not only for those who have experienced them, but also for those who haven't so that those who have been sheltered may develop empathy and compassion. I agree with this completely. And yet, when my 9yo wants to know what rape is, the words can't form in my mouth. And I'm not convinced that they should. Yet.

I'm very curious as to what other parents would have done in this situation. Did I miss an opportunity for dialogue or am I rightly allowing my daughter to hang on to her innocence for a little bit longer???

Inside the Author's Studio with Nova Ren Suma & A GIVEAWAY

It is time once again for you all to meet another fabulous YA author. Today's guest for Inside the Author's Studio is Nova Ren Suma, author of the absolutely wonderful IMAGINARY GIRLS. Be sure to leave a comment for a chance to win a copy of IMAGINARY GIRLS. 

1.     What is your favorite word? I’m afraid it might be the word just. (I mean, just look at my first drafts before I start revising and reining myself in. I seem to adore that word so much I just use it constantly. I just can’t help it.)

2.     What is your least favorite word? Can’t. (When someone tells me I can’t do something, I immediately get fired up and decide I can and I will.)

3.     What turns your current MC on? Mystery.

4.     What turns your current MC off? Being locked for hours in a coat closet.

5.     What sound do you love? A pounding rainstorm—especially when heard from beneath an umbrella while walking through the park at night, or through an open window when I’m indoors and dry, or (my favorite) while in the passenger seat of a car that’s driving down a long, dark road.

6.     What sound do you hate? Jackhammers on the sidewalk when I am trying to write! Not even earplugs or music can keep the sound out of my head, even from twelve floors above the street! Can you see it drives me insane!

7.     What is your favorite YA quirk? (i.e. The Colonel’s desire to give everyone nicknames) Lists. 1) I love it when a narrator suddenly breaks into list form to tell you important things. 2) Or even random things. 3) Because often what’s revealed in the list colors everything else in the story. 4) Or acts as a diversion. 5) And I always enjoy a good diversion. 

8.     What profession other than yours would you like to attempt? Do you ever wonder about being something completely other than what you are? After a day sitting in a chair and agonizing over words, I do. So if I were a different person entirely from the person I am—and by that I mean if I were a physically coordinated, graceful, fit, and brave person—I’d be a surfer. That’s all I’d do. I’d surf, nap on the beach, and wake up early the next morning to go in the ocean again. I should probably admit that I’ve never surfed before and I can barely swim, but watching from afar it seems so exhilarating. So worry-free… aside from sunburn and sharks, of course.

9.     What profession would you rather bathe in a vat of urine than attempting? Debt collector. That’s something I’d never do to anyone else, even with a gun to my head.

10.     If John Green exists and sits at your table at a SCBWI conference, what would you like him to say to you? “I read your book and I loved it.” Don’t we all wish he’d one day whisper such beautiful words into our ears? (And one day, if he does indeed exist and I ever get to meet him, I’ll probably say those very words to him. Because I’ve read all his books and I love them.)

Thank You Nova! Isn't she adorable? Go follow her on Twitter: @novaren

Inside the Author's Studio with Myra McEntire

Hooray! Inside the Author's Studio today features the incredibly cool, very adorable Myra McEntire. Remember, one lucky commenter will receive a free copy of her awesome book HOURGLASS.

 

1.     What is your favorite word? Serendipity.

2.     What is your least favorite word? Turgid. Don’t ask.

3.     What turns your current MC on? I plead the fifth.

4.     What turns your current MC off? Garlic breath.

5.     What sound do you love? My kids’ “evil” laughs.

6.     What sound do you hate? Crying. The soul crushing kind.

7.     What is your favorite YA quirk? (i.e. The Colonel’s desire to give everyone nicknames) My MC’s tendency to punch people. I wish I could get away with that.

8.     What profession other than yours would you like to attempt? Photography. Or some kind of visual art.

9.     What profession would you rather bathe in a vat of urine than attempting? SALES. I WILL DRINK URINE BEFORE I EVER TRY TO SELL ANOTHER THING.

10. If John Green exists and sits at your table at a SCBWI conference, what would you like him to say to you? Oh, no, your awkwardness doesn’t bother me at all. In fact, I LIKE IT. 

Yes, Myra is as AWESOME as I suspected. Thank you for joining us today! Don't forget to comment in order to win HOURGLASS.