2. I had a sleepover night on Saturday with my college bestie and my daughter. My daughter is like a heart walking around in the world. I want to protect so much of her, but she needs to know some things. And so I try to tell her these things in a safe way. Sometimes she understands and sometimes she doesn't. Most days I feel like I could be a better mom. Probably most days everyone feels that way. I am proud of who my kids have all become, but mostly I'm baffled as to how they got that way. Deep in the core of me is an impenetrable feeling that I'm not enough.
3. Fault Line comes out in paperback this month. And Bleed Like Me comes out the week after (Oct 7). I wonder how many books we have to have out in the world before we have the confidence to tell people about them. I bury the lead about my writing a lot. First, because I'm not entirely sure it's that interesting a thing about me and second because it involves an unending amount of explanation and rationalization. I think trying to make a living as a writer is not for the faint of heart. My dad said this weekend that he hoped I liked all the stuff I was doing and wasn't just looking for fifteen minutes of fame. I don't think my dad realizes how much his words sometimes hurt my feelings. We don't really ever grow out of being hurt by people we love.
4. Julio and I are three months from celebrating our 15 year anniversary. We started dating 17 years ago on Labor Day weekend. We have had a lot of STUFF happen in 17 years. I love him more now. I don't think it always goes that way, but it did with us. Some days I'm grossly sentimental about it all. Some days I hate that he leaves dishes in the sink. It doesn't really change anything though. I still can't imagine my life without him. I have changed in a million ways since I met him at 23, he's barely changed at all. He must have understood the ride he was getting on with me. I am mostly baffled why he chose to stay, but he did. And now when I get grumpy about the dishes with him and later apologize, he says, "Yes, honey, we have a lot of dishes behind us and a lot of dishes in front of us. It's going to be okay." There is nothing like the contentment of having someone you love assure you that it's going to be okay.