6 Months Until Release...What I've Learned

So Fault Line releases in about six months, give or take a few days. From the time I learned they'd acquired my book till the time that I'll actually see it on bookshelves will be almost two years.

So this is me...



And this is my editor and agent...



And for those interested, there is apparently no end to the questions "why isn't your book out yet? how come it takes so long?". The plus side of this wait is that a lot of dumb stuff that I could have done as an author, I've managed to do as a writer so much fewer people have noticed. The minus side is that two years is pretty much forever.  And the closer I get to the top of the mountain, the more quiet I get. Have you noticed? I read blogs, but I don't comment. I don't spend as much time on FB or Twitter. This is not because I don't like those forums, but more because I feel like I'm nearing the hardest part of the mountain and it's the last ridge going up and it's super steep and I can't seem to find any hand holds. So my silence is sort of a paralyzing fear that I'll fail, that I'll fall, and the people I have holding the ropes below me won't be able to take my weight because I've been climbing for SO long. I'm tired, they're tired, and we have the hardest part yet to go.

A friend of mine gave me this art sculpture for my birthday. I like it very much because he said that it was a reminder that there are people holding the rope and I'll be okay.



 I've learned a lot in the past 18 months, waiting for my book to release. Expectations met and unmet. Parts of the mountain that I thought would be very hard weren't. Parts I thought would be easy almost had me ready to quit. I never have been a "writing advice" type of blogger because what do I know? A lot of writing advice blogs just end up making me feel bad for things I'm not doing and should be, or things that I am doing and shouldn't be. But, if I were to cull down the most important things I've learned in the past year and a half, they would be this:

1. The online writing and publishing community is awesome. They are invaluable. They are also online. People appear and disappear because they have shit going on in their real lives. This happens. It is important to have real life connections. If you can go to conventions, go. If you can go to author signings, do that. Meet people in real life. Talk to them on the phone. See them as often as you can. Jolene flew here from Alaska in the middle of winter. We're stronger writing partners because we know each other. She's met my people. Hopefully, next year, I'll meet hers. People think I'm busy because I have books and editing and all the things. I am busy. I am also alone A LOT. This is hard.

2. "Write every day. Write once a week. Write 1k every hour. Write this, write that, etc." Everyone has a system. The point is that's their system. It does NOT work for everyone. Find your system. It works for you. That's good enough. Do the best you can. It's not a race, it's a journey, and the mountain is tall.

3. Be gracious, have integrity, and ask forgiveness. You'll make mistakes. Say sorry. You'll open your big mouth when you should keep it shut. You'll fire off comments, emails, texts, etc. in times when you should sit on your hands and do nothing. Say sorry. We are all flawed. We all make mistakes. It helps if we admit them.

4. Be fearless when you can. Be honest. Be proud of your work. If you don't want someone to walk all over you, get up off the floor. Fight for what you believe in. Be loyal to your friends. Ignore the things that really don't matter in the end.

5. Give everything 24 hours. It's publishing. I promise that whatever you think you want to say can wait one day. Put things in your "drafts" folder and decide in 24 hours.

6. Do other things. Have another life beyond writing/publishing. Volunteer if you can. Put your manuscript away for a night and play board games. Go somewhere you haven't before. Those places are where "new" story ideas come from. Read for pleasure.

7. Resist Googling yourself, your book, your friends, your friends' books. This way leads to unrest and who needs that noise?

8. Look to the long game. Write your book. Write your next book. Keep going. Stay focused on what's happening on your own yoga mat. Take two minutes to be jealous of another author (we are human, after all), then move on.

We Don't Need Another Hero

How we expect teenage boys to look

How teenage boys actually look

So I've been thinking a lot lately about our desire as young adult readers to cast boys in the role of hero. How the way we talk about them sort of predicates this because there's frequently an element of romance in a story. But I find myself more and more frustrated when I hear readers wanting this. Particularly because, to be honest, I don't write heroes and I'm concerned that people will assign my guys those roles anyway.

Why do we expect teenage boys to always make the right choices? Why do we want them to be heroes? Is reader insistence on this a projection of the world as we'd like it to be as opposed to the world as it is? And if so, what sort of message are we sending to teen girls and boys by assigning boys the role of hero?

In thinking about this blog post, I went back and reviewed some of my favorite contemporary YA books. Certainly not everyone's favorite, but definitely books that I loved: Boy Toy, 13 Reasons Why, Flawed, Sex and Violence, The DUFF, Dash and Lily's Book of Dares (yes, I can read "light" books). I realize that one of the things I loved about all these books were the bad choices that the guys in them made. That for one reason or another, they didn't always make good choices and therefore I connected with them in a way that I otherwise wouldn't.

This feels real to me. This feels like good modeling for our teens, and for all of us. How can we get boys engaged in reading if we can't give them characters that make mistakes? I'm not talking about bad boy alphas who end up doing good (or even bad boy alphas who are unapologetically bad), I'm talking about boys who are written in very real ways as being human "works in progress". Boys who make good choices and bad choices, but in the end, boys who are doing the best they can with the resources they have.

Next time you as a reader are about to slam a male character for not being likable, for having moments of being an a-hole or making stupid decisions, think hard about the importance of the message you are sending to teenagers. By not allowing for bad choices, but insisting on heroes, we are unilaterally saying to teens that they must only ever do the right thing. Which frankly is a disservice to them.

Sexual Assault Awareness Month---Male Ally Tips

Male Ally Tips – Things You Can Do Every Day!

By Stephen Adler, Prevention Education Specialist – Rape Victim Advocates

1. Watch how much space you take up. Often when we are sitting on the train or bus, men tend to take up more space than women. In some cases, it may be because we are physically bigger than women, but in others it is an unearned (and unnoticed) sense of entitlement. When you ride the train, compare and contrast how much space men take up versus women. Remember that your size can be intimidating.
2. Learn to step back... From an early age, boys are encouraged to voice our opinions and to speak when we feel something needs to be said. However, that can lead us to dominate a conversation or meeting. Instead, practice not talking. Let others, particularly female-identified people, speak first. If they have said something you thought about saying, you don’t need to echo it.
3. …and to step up! Use your voice for good – when you hear other men telling a sexist joke, or statements that support rape myths, or words that belittle survivors of domestic and sexual violence, interject! You’ll be surprised at how effective (and appreciated!) a statement such as “I really don’t think that (joke/comment/remark) is funny” really is.
4. Attend feminist events. If male-identified people are welcomed at the space, show your support by attending talks by feminist authors, film screenings by female filmmakers, and concerts with feminist performers.
5. Support feminist media. Go one step further – if we want to put a stop to rape culture, we need to work on dismantling it. Supporting alternatives to mainstream, corporate-owned media is imperative. Get a subscription to Bitch magazine, buy albums of feminist performers and buy tickets to movies that feature strong female leads and/or positive depictions of gender non-conforming folks. As the old saying goes, “money talks”- if companies see these movies doing well they are more likely to continue making them!
6. Volunteer! If you have the time, volunteer for a rape crisis or domestic violence center. Men NEED to be doing this work. Most of the time violence is perpetrated, a man is the perpetrator. This is not being anti-male, it’s just being honest. Call your local rape crisis or domestic violence center and find out how you can help. You may not be able to work directly with survivors, but you can do prevention work – which involves talking to other men – and that is equally important.
7. Make your space feminist. We don’t want to take up more space than necessary, but rather, to make the space we do take up feminist. If you work in an office, push for a sexual assault 101 training. Hang up posters in your cubicle that are supportive of gender-equality. If you’re a member of a fraternity, do a service project that benefits a local rape crisis or DV center. It’s possible to do this in any space – not just the social work field!
8. Be an active bystander. Obviously if we see a sexual assault taking place we should intervene, as anyone would do. However, sexual violence exists on a continuum. Verbal street harassment and groping are also forms of sexual violence, though they are commonly accepted. If you see a man talking to a woman on the train, ask the woman if the man is bothering her. When you see a man taking upskirt pictures on his iPhone, tell him that is not only illegal but wrong. If a man grabs a woman, tell him, in your own words, to leave her alone. Most of these behaviors continue because the men who perpetrate the actions feel justified since they have never had another man call them out on it. Equally important, we want to think of our own safety – intervene if you feel comfortable, but we’re not superheroes, nor do we want to feel that just because we are men we need to be “strong” enough to fix everything. Taking your own safety account is imperative!
9. Reflect the type of masculinity you want to see in the world. If we want to break the association of masculinity and violence, we need to portray the type of masculinity we want to see. This means allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, being nurturing and supportive of children, taking responsibility for our actions, and apologizing when we’ve hurt someone’s feelings. It also means supporting men who are “outside the gender box,” as well as supporting women and gender non-conforming folks. If we continue to harbor the negative qualities of masculinity, we can’t effectively change it.
10. Be accountable. Finally, recognize the ways that you are being oppressive. Always keep yourself in check. Being an ally means being accountable to feminists and to female-identified and gender non-conforming people. Though we may have the best of intentions, it is common to make mistakes. That’s how privilege works, after all – we will always be unlearning sexism. Being an ally is a lifelong process, and you’ve started on the road to making the world a safer place for women and girls (as well as boys and men!). That should be commended. However, we do not deserve praise for doing the work we should be doing; for taking responsibility. Make sure you are self-critical, self-aware, and knowledgeable about your words and actions.