Storytime librarians love me. Really. I am like a heckler at a comedy club. As if trying to entertain 3 year olds for 30-45 minutes isn't difficult enough? I am truly the most vexing of storytime moms.
And to mix things up, I never go to the same storytime.
I should feel guilty for my behavior. But I don't.
Librarian: Okay, boys and girls, today we are going to read Knuffle Bunny.
Me: It's Kuh-nuffle.
Librarian (to children through hemorrhoid smile): It looks like Kuh-nuffle but the Kn- is pronounced N-.
Me: No, it's not. Haven't you read the second book? It's Kuh-nuffle.
Librarian: Knuffle (pronounced with N) Bunny by Mo Willems.
Me: My sister met Mo Willems. It's Kuh-nuffle.
Bookstore employees also love me. I feel if I must brave carting 3 kids into the bookstore instead of just "buying with one click" on my Amazon iPhone app, bookstore employees to need to work for it. I know, it's not fair because Amazon is making them obsolete so I should give them a break. But I don't.
Bookstore Emp: Can I help you find something?
Me: Yes, I would like to know where THE LIAR SOCIETY by Laura and Lisa Roecker is?
Bookstore Emp: Let me see if we carry that. (clicking on computer, probably tweeting about annoying customers) Sorry, we don't carry that. Would you like me to order it for you?
Me: No, I already got it from Amazon but I think you should carry it.
Me: Do you have Jessica Z. by Shawn Klomparens?
BE: Let me check. (more "searching"/tweet updates) Yes, it's on the first floor in the fiction section. Would you like me to show you?
Me: No, I just wanted to make sure you had it. I got it from Amazon too.
BE: Is there anything else I can do for you?
Me: As a matter of fact...
BE (rudely interrupting): Are you going to buy anything?
Me: Of course, I already have what I want to buy. I just wanted to provide you with a list of things you should be carrying.
Whatever. I still dropped $57.
Is this my incredibly high standards or are other writers with me?